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Step-by-Step Potty Training

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By: Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D.

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Potty training is one of the major accomplishments of early childhood. But before your child can master it, he has to be both biologically and emotionally ready. (Click here for more on signs of readiness.) Different children are ready at different ages; the timing has nothing to do with their intelligence, personality, or motivation.

Potty training involves putting together a set of individual skills in a certain order, such as being able to interpret the signals your body is giving you, undressing, having some control over your bowels and bladder, and washing your hands. Your child should have at least some of these skills mastered before starting potty training, or you'll both become frustrated.

Here are three steps that can help your child maximize his success.

Preparation

Learning

Reinforcement

Preparation

Get a potty chair. Many children feel more secure starting with one that sits on the floor rather than one that sit on top of the toilet. It's less scary, and it gives them the security and balance that comes with being able to put their feet securely on the floor.

Put the potty chair in a place that's convenient to where your child spends most of his time. It doesn't have to be in the bathroom; you could keep it in a corner of your playroom. Ease of access is important in the beginning.

Let your child explore the potty chair and become familiar with it. Let him know that it's special and it's just for him.

Don't try potty training when your child is under stress, such as during a family move or a vacation, or when your child is feeling ill. Wait a few weeks until things have calmed down.

Learning

Have your child practice sitting on the potty with her clothes on once or twice a day. Let her get up whenever she wants. Your goal is to help her become comfortable with it.

Praise your child for each step, even the small ones and the ones that aren't completely successful. Stay upbeat. Remember that this is her accomplishment, not yours.

Once she's comfortable sitting on the potty with her clothes on, have her practice sitting on it with her clothes off. This helps her get familiar with the concept of removing her clothes before going to the bathroom. It also lets her feel what the seat is like next to her skin.

After a few days, when your child has a bowel movement in her diaper, have her watch you dump it into the potty so that she can see where it should go. Explain to her that this is where urine and stool belong. (Children this age are also mastering the idea that certain things go in certain places.)

Look for signs that your child needs to urinate or move her bowels. Some children will tell you in so many words. Others will grimace or grunt or get into a particular position. When that happens, ask her if she needs to go.

Let your child see you sitting on the toilet. Let her sit on her potty chair at the same time, if it's in the bathroom. It's easier for boys if they first learn to urinate while sitting down. If they begin by standing up, sometimes they'll resist sitting down to have a bowel movement; it's too confusing.

Have her practice washing her hands with soap and water every time she gets off the potty, even if she doesn't do anything.

Keep your child in easy to remove clothing, such as pants that she can simply pull down without having to unbutton anything, or a dress or skirt. That increases the likelihood of success. Alternatively, begin by letting her run around the house for a few days without any pants on. Offer to remind her every hour to try using the potty. This will help her learn to interpret the signals her body is giving to her.

Share what you're doing and how you're doing it with the other caregivers in your child's life, such as babysitters and grandparents. That way your child will have consistent expectations and support, which will make things easier.

Never leave your child in wet or soiled diapers as a way of "training" her. That only makes matters worse.

Reinforcement

Give your child lots of praise at each stage of learning. It's also a good idea to praise him whenever he tells you he has to use the potty, even if you've just asked him the question.

Expect him to make mistakes, especially in the beginning. Don't get angry; that will just make things take longer. If he resists trying something new, it probably means he's not ready yet. Simply back off and try again in a few days or even weeks.

Once your child has been successful for a few days, start making the switch to underwear. Some children feel more secure in diapers or training pants; others can't wait for "big boy" or "big girl" underwear. Let your child's reaction guide you in how quickly you make the change.

Remember that some young children are frightened by the sound and actions of a flushing toilet. If he's bothered by it, don't force him to flush; do it after he leaves the room. That fear usually goes away in a few months.

Category Tags:

Potty Training

Article Tags:

Praise,

Potty seats,

Potty training readiness,

Potty training tips

Member Comments

brittanykunz
(Ouray, UNITED STATES)

Updated 02/01/12 - 03:12 p.m.

I have a 2 1/2 year old as well. Sometimes he gets really excited about going on the potty and sometimes he is terrified of it. I will let him run around with his diaper off and he loves it. However, when it is time for him to go he asks to put his diaper on! I know that he is ready to potty train but he just does not want to. He has his own potty chair and a "cushie tushie" for the big toilet. I guess I am going to have to try to show him that his poop goes in the potty. I have tried rewarding him with an M&M when he sits on the potty and also when he has success on the potty. For those of you who have the issues with your kids peeing on the potty but pooping only in a diaper, I hear this is normal. But you should stay consistent with getting them on the potty for this task. I hope that this is not an issue with my son but fear that it will be.

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Sinandra
(Boca Raton, UNITED STATES)

Updated 01/13/12 - 03:41 p.m.

Hi I did most of these steps with my son. He was totally trained at age 3 1/2. However, my little girl is 2 years and 2 mo. she tells me that she is wet and now she is removing her diaper by herself... is this a sign that she is ready?

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Allyk
(Wake Forest, UNITED STATES)

Updated 01/07/12 - 10:07 a.m.

To comment on the struggle jbarraza85 is having. My daughter did the same thing when she was 2. She would throw huge fits, and we had to take a break for a few days, no potty training at all. She was too "busy" to stop and sit on the potty, so I made her a rewards chart. She didn't seem to be motivated herself to do it, so I provided the motivation for her. I used just a piece of construction paper with four columns and four rows. She got to put a sticker in each square when she was successful, and at the end of the row I had a special sticker or lollipop taped to the paper. On the last row, I had a new pair of "big girl panties" taped up their for her bigger reward. It seemed to really work. But she wasn't completely successful until she turned 3, I guess she just wasn't ready before that. Good luck!

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mamanation0
(hurst, UNITED STATES)

Updated 12/20/11 - 04:17 p.m.

I just put my son's potty seat into the bathroom 2 days ago. First he took it apart wondering what it was. Now every time I or my Husband goes to the bathroom and follows us there and sits on it with his clothes on just to get the feel of it on what to do. I knew he was ready for it when he kept following us in the bathroom. After a few weeks or so im going to try with his clothes (pants and diaper) off and see how that goes every time we go to the bathroom. Between the weeks Im going to show him where his BM goes during the changes. Ive never done this so I do hope it works. Good luck to all the other mothers out there.

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