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Expert Q&A:
How can I discipline my 2-year-old without using time outs?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
Meet our authors
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


I was using time outs to discipline our 2-year-old when he did something he knew he shouldn't. We were putting him in the playpen for the time outs. But now he can climb out of the playpen. I need another option to show him that when he disobeys there are consequences.

Answer


Time out is a very effective form of discipline for a toddler. It gives him (and you) a chance to cool off. However, the best way to influence a child's behavior is not by punishing him when he does something you don't like, but by paying extra attention when he does something you do like. In other words, catch your son being good, not just being bad. I'm a bit concerned that you may be expecting too much of your son at this age. It's both natural and healthy for a 2-year-old to be a bit defiant and to say "No!" to everything and everyone. Don't take it personally. By talking to other parents of toddlers and reading some books about toddlers (I recommend anything by T. Berry Brazelton or Fred Rogers), you'll gain some perspective.
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