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Expert Q&A:
How can I encourage my 17-month-old to be more affectionate?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


If your daughter's development is otherwise normal, and she interacts with people in other ways, such as making eye contact, responding to words, and playing, I wouldn't be worried. Some kids are "cuddle bunnies"; others just aren't

Answer


If your daughter's development is otherwise normal, and she interacts with people in other ways, such as making eye contact, responding to words, and playing, I wouldn't be worried. Some kids are "cuddle bunnies"; others just aren't.



Keep in mind that some young children are easily overwhelmed. It's a matter of their temperament or personal style and is not a sign of stubbornness or rebellion. If they're pushed by adults to do something that's uncomfortable, they'll withdraw emotionally to protect themselves. This can set up a vicious circle: The more the adult coaxes the child, the less the child responds.



The best thing you can do right now is change your expectations. Keep being affectionate toward her, but try doing it in smaller doses. Look for other ways, besides kisses, that she shows how much she loves you.

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