Q&A:
How can I get my 28-month-old to leave younger children alone?

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Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.

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"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.

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Question

How can I get my 28-month-old to leave younger children alone?

Answer

Your daughter's intentions are admirable. But she's only 2 years old and doesn't yet understand the consequences of some of her behaviors. This is completely normal for a child this age.

Rather than having her leave the other children alone, provide her with more supervision and guidance. Remember that toddlers are often confused by verbal instructions that are complex, vague, or abstract. Telling her "Be gentle!" is not likely to do much good since the concept of "gentle" doesn't make sense to her yet.

Make sure you're standing next to her or have her in your lap when she's with a smaller child especially a baby. Stop her when she starts being even a little too rough. Praise her when she's gentle so that she's more likely to continue acting this way. She'll enjoy the extra attention from you and will start acting more the way you want.