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Expert Q&A:
How can I help my 1 1/2-year-old daughter be less mean?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
Meet our authors
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


My 1 1/2-year-old daughter seems to have become very mean since my mom moved out of the house. All of the little kids at school treat her like the school bully and are afraid of her, and a lot of parents are starting to talk bad about me. What can I do to change my daughter back to the nice baby she used to be?

Answer


It sounds as if your daughter has been acting out -- and that you think it may be due to the absence of your mother. That's a possibility -- especially if your daughter's life has become more unpredictable and stressful. In that case, figuring out ways to lower the stress level at home should help your daughter calm down. But you've raised another issue in your last sentence. Children change dramatically during their first few years. We can expect a 2-year-old to be much more defiant, for example, than a 1-year-old. While your daughter can learn to be nicer, she can't go back to being a baby.
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