Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."
Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.
He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.
Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.
Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
Question
How can I stop my 21-month-old from putting things up her nose?
Answer
This is a tough situation since she doesn't understand the dangers involved. The first thing you should do is have her examined by your pediatrician or family physician to make sure there isn't something irritating her nose that she's trying to scratch with these foreign objects.
Often a child will do something like this because it's the best way she knows to get your undivided attention. (As you said, you stare at her all day!) So in addition to preventing her from putting things up her nose, you've got to teach her new ways of getting the attention she craves.
Giving her a time-out when she tries to put something up her nose can help. Limit the time-out to no more than a minute. Your goal isn't to punish her, but to put her in a situation in which she's ignoredthe opposite of what she's striving for. So don't yell at her or do anything else aversive. Simply take whatever she's using out of her hand (or nose!) and say, "Don't put anything in your nose. You get a time-out." Then put her in an empty playpen and simply ignore her for a minute. Remember that the most important thing is for her to associate trying to put something up her nose with being ignored.
At the same time, you've got to give her extra attention when she's acting in a way you like, such as playing with a stuffed animal. This isn't a time for subtlety; lay it on thick. ("Oh, you're doing such a great job of playing with Horsey! Can we play together? That's wonderful!")
Once she realizes that she'll get be ignored if she tries to put something up her nose, but get extra attention for doing other things, she'll change her behavior.
