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Expert Q&A:
How can we keep an 18-month-old from hurting a 2 1/2-month-old?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
Meet our authors
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


How can we keep an 18-month-old from hurting a 2 1/2-month-old?

Answer


First of all, Kyrah's behavior and attitude are perfectly normal. She simply doesn't want to share you with anyone else—even her little sister. She's expressing herself in a way that's typical for a toddler.

There are two things you can do to help (although she'll still be angry at her baby sister for taking some of your attention no matter what you do). First, try to spend extra time with Kyrah. Tell her that she was your first child, and that she'll always be the oldest child no matter what. The extra attention will help her feel more secure; the comments will let her know that you're not trying to replace her with anyone else.

Second, until she gets older and can control her impulsiveness better, always have an adult in the room when your two children are up and about. That will help prevent any accidents that could hurt either of your children.
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