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Expert Q&A:
How do I cope with 2 1/2-year-old twins who break everything?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


How do I cope with 2 1/2-year-old twins who break everything?

Answer


I appreciate your frustration. However, there's a technical term for your toddlers' behavior that you should be aware of. It's called "normal."

Rambunctious 2-year-olds love to explore. They don't understand the consequences of their actions and have difficulty controlling their impulses. That's why talking to them and giving them time-outs haven't worked.

The best way to handle this problem is through what's called "environmental control." You should toddler-proof your house in much the same way that you baby-proofed it when your twins were younger.

Move everything that's breakable at least a foot out of their reach. Put latches or other safety devices on cabinets, toilets, electrical outlets, and doors. Put gates up on staircases. Make sure that all their toys have no sharp edges, are sturdily made, and are too big to swallow.

At the same time, encourage your children to explore using things that are difficult to break. (These don't have to be expensive toys. I'm a big fan of such things as different size plastic measuring cups and empty plastic soda bottles with the caps discarded.) That should give them more of what they're craving and also lower the stress level in your house.

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