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Expert Q&A:
How do I encourage my 19-month-old to play away from home, and with other kids?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


How do I encourage my 19-month-old to play away from home, and with other kids?

Answer


It's difficult for some young children to play with others, especially if the child is worried about having to share his favorite toys with a stranger. Being away from home can make relating to another child even more stressful. While much of this behavior will go away with time, there are a few things you can do to speed up the process.

First, find one playmate whose temperament is compatible with your child's style of play. By having repeated play dates with one child, your son is more likely to be comfortable interacting with another toddler.

Second, keep their time together brief, especially in the beginning. Start with only a minute or two and then add to the time as they build a relationship.

Third, don't expect your son and another child the same age to play on their own, especially at first. You should take an active role, which will help your son feel more secure and be more willing to take risks.

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