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Expert Q&A:
How should I handle a 4-year-old's curiosity about "private parts"?

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Angela Rosas
Answered by Angela Rosas M.D.
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"The most enjoyable thing for me in practicing general pediatrics is to use my professional training and my experiences as a mother to help families to improve the health of their children," says Angela Rosas. "It is a wondrous feeling to watch children heal and develop into healthy young adults, knowing that you played a small role in the process."

Angela Rosas M.D., graduated from Stanford University with a degree in human biology. She attended medical school and completed her residency in pediatrics at the University of California at San Diego. She has been a fellow in the American Academy of Pediatrics since 1991. Dr. Rosas has practiced general pediatrics for eight years in community clinics, private practice, and university hospitals. She is currently Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California at Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, California. Her clinical and research interests are breastfeeding, asthma, adolescent care, children with disabilities, child abuse and neglect, and accident prevention. Dr. Rosas has published several articles in peer-reviewed journals and contributed to various pediatric textbooks. She frequently lectures on pediatrics issues at medical conferences and for community agencies. Dr. Rosas is married to another pediatrician and has three young daughters.
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Question


How should I handle a 4-year-old's curiosity about "private parts"?

Answer


Showing one's private parts to one another is quite normal behavior for the curious preschooler. Some bolder or more curious children may even reach out to touch their playmate's genitals. Preschoolers may also try to curiously touch a parent's genitals or a mother's breasts. However, if the behavior changes to mimicking sexual acts, or forcing or coercing another child into sexual acts, the behavior is no longer normal.

If your daughters seemed to be uncomfortable with the 4-year-old boy's sexual play, you may remind the boy that not all children like to show their private parts and ask him not to do it again. You should certainly let the boy's parents know that he is displaying some normal sexual exploration that is making some of the other children uncomfortable. Each family will need to decide when to set limits on sexual exploration based on their own values and tolerance for such behavior. It would be a good time for all parents involved to have a talk with their children about body awareness and safety in general. Preschoolers often respond well to being taught that "private areas" are the parts of their body covered by a bathing suit. They should be reassured that no one can touch their private areas except for their parents or the doctor when they might be ill or during a checkup.
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