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Expert Q&A:
How should I handle my 15-month-old's screaming fits?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
Meet our authors
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


How should I handle my 15-month-old's screaming fits?

Answer


It sounds as if your son has developed a wonderful game that gets him extra attention. The key to stopping his screaming is to pay extra attention to him when he's behaving properly, and ignoring him when he screams like that.

Paying extra attention when he's good is often difficult for parents. We tend to ignore our children when they're well behaved and respond to them when they misbehave. So make an extra effort to lavish him with special attention when he's doing what you want.

When he screams, however, stop talking to him, don't look at him, and try to make your face blank. That way you won't reinforce the behavior, even with negative attention. Hold onto him to keep him safe and under your control.

When he stops screaming—it may take anywhere from a few seconds to a minute or more—look at him again and talk. He'll quickly learn that screaming won't get him the attention he wants.
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