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Expert Q&A:
How should we discipline our 16-month-old when he does something wrong?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


How should we discipline our 16-month-old when he does something wrong?

Answer


You're describing one of the most delightful and fascinating activities of toddlerhood! Okay, maybe it's not so delightful if he sends a Tiffany lamp crashing to the floor —but let's look at things from your son's perspective for a moment.

Toddlers spend a lot of time trying to understand how the world works. There's no malice in your son's behavior; he doesn't "know the act is wrong." Rather, it's a sign of his intelligence and curiosity. He's behaving like a scientist trying to figure out whether something is consistent and predictable.

The next time he approaches something and says to himself "No," join in. Say something like "That's right! No!" Then distract him with something else to do.

Finally, I'm concerned that your son is pulling on electrical cords. This would be a good time to go through your home again and "toddler-proof" it to keep him safe.

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