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Expert Q&A:
Is my almost 4-year-old son's interest in "girl things" something to worry about?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


Is my almost 4-year-old son's interest in "girl things" something to worry about?

Answer


Let me answer your unstated question first: No, this does not mean that your child is homosexual, a transvestite, a transsexual, or anything else for that matter.

Lots of boys his age do exactly the same thing. And lots of girls that age reject dolls and frilly clothes in favor of "boy things." (When my wife was your son's age, her parents gave her a baby doll for Christmas. She became upset and insisted that they take it back to the store and trade it for the toy truck she wanted.)

So what's going on here? Odds are it's because your son identifies strongly with his mother as a source of love, power, nurturance, and wisdom. It's no wonder that he'd like to try out things that he associates with Mom. Sexuality and sexual orientation have nothing to do with it.

I suggest that you compliment him on his creativity with the towel. And while you're at it, show him how it can also be a superhero's cape, the sail of a boat, and lots of other things that might capture his budding imagination. So relax and have fun together!

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