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Expert Q&A:
What can I do about my clingy 8-month-old, who always wants me to hold him?

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Suzanne Dixon
Answered by Suzanne Dixon M.D., M.P.H.
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"There is nothing so amazing as the development of a child," says Suzanne Dixon, M.D., a behavioral and developmental pediatrician who was one of the founding members of the Pampers Parenting Network. "Every day is a new adventure when you have a child around you. I never get tired of learning from the children who have been a part of my life, professionally and personally."Suzanne Dixon, M.D., M.P.H., was born and raised in Minnesota and graduated from the University of Minnesota, School of Medicine. She did her pediatric training at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and then completed a fellowship in Child Development at Boston's Children's Hospital. Dr. Dixon joined the faculty at the University of California, San Diego, and did patient care, teaching, and research for 20 years. She ran a large newborn service, performed research in early child development, and was involved in many community outreach activities in maternal child health. Throughout her entire professional life she has maintained an interest in cross-cultural activities, living and working in many parts of the world, including Mexico, India, Kenya, Indonesia, and several countries from the former U.S.S.R. Dr. Dixon is the author of numerous research articles, review articles, and textbook chapters in pediatrics, child and family development, and public health. Her textbook, written with Dr. Martin Stein, Encounters With Children: Pediatric Behavior and Development, has become a classic in child health education and is in its fourth edition. She is Editor in Chief of the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, an international journal of high standing in the professional world. She also has served as an associate editor for Infant Mental Health and currently reviews for several major pediatric journals. Dr. Dixon is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and served in national positions in that organization. She is a member of the Society for Pediatric Research, the Society for Research in Child Development, the American Public Health Association, and the Executive Council of the Society for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. She serves as consultant to several national and international organizations and has received an award from Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies.Dr. Dixon continues to lecture and consult worldwide on aspects of maternal, child, and family health. She practices behavioral and developmental pediatrics in Montana and works with local advocacy groups on education and women''s health. Dr. Dixon has been married for over 30 years and has three sons. She and her husband travel frequently, are outdoor enthusiasts, and enjoy being amateur anthropologists.
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Question


What can I do about my clingy 8-month-old, who always wants me to hold him?

Answer


Your son is at that stage where he is learning to be separate from you, which means he's also pulling on you at the same time. He's learned an interaction pattern with you that's based upon holding and carrying. Help him learn that you can be with him in other ways, too, and that you will be there if he needs you. Get on the floor and play with him when he makes bids for your attention. Keep him close to you as you do your chores around the house. Try a backpack; he'll like to be with you but he'll have a chance to look around and stay amused on his own. Use your voice to keep in touch with him: Narrate your activities, ask him questions (even though he can't respond in words yet), and make sure he feels connected psychologically.

You're very important to him, so he does want to be near you; babies are hardwired to stay close to their moms, a different relationship than they have with dads. If you push him away or feel angry at his bids for attention, he'll work even harder to keep you close with this annoying behavior. So figure out ways he can be assured of your presence without resorting to this whining and crying that worked when he was a baby but is getting old now.
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