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Expert Q&A:
What's the best way to help a 2-year-old deal with frustration?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
Meet our authors
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
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Question


What's the best way to help a 2-year-old deal with frustration?

Answer


To many 2-year-olds, daily life is filled with frustrating events. Compared with infancy, there's so much more that they want to do and see, but they still don't have the physical coordination or intellectual abilities to do them all. That's why one of the most important tasks faced by toddlers is learning how to handle frustration.

Frankly, I'm impressed that your son is showing his frustration through words—even if the words are made up. Learning to use words instead of kicking and screaming to express strong emotions is a sign of maturity. So instead of worrying, I'd feel proud of his accomplishment.

When he's feeling frustrated, help him calm down by giving him a hug and distracting him for a few seconds. Also, help him label his emotions ("I can see that you're angry because you can't do what you want to do") so that he can eventually use words to share his feelings.
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