skip to navigation
Pampers® Village a place to grow

Expert Q&A:
What should I say when my 3-year-old tells me he doesn't like the way he looks?

0   people commented
on this article
 
0
 
0
Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.
"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
Read bio Hide bio Hide

Question


What should I say when my 3-year-old tells me he doesn't like the way he looks?

Answer


What a lovely response you made to your son's request! Let me suggest a few other things to help the next time something like this happens —and it will probably happen many times over the next few years.

Acknowledge the legitimacy of your son's feelings. ("I can see that you want to be just like your dad!") That way he won't feel you're rejecting his request (and him) out of hand.

Also, don't assume that when he says he wants to look like his father, that he is only talking about skin color. Young boys identify strongly with their fathers. "Looking" like him can really mean that he wants to be bigger, stronger, and more powerful. You can even explore those issues with him. ("It sounds as if you want to be big and strong so that you can do lots of stuff!")

ADVERTISEMENT
 
 
0
Member comments

You might also like

Take on the world. One night at a time.

Find out about: Pampers UnderJams Absorbent Night Wear
Pampers UnderJams Absorbent Night Wear