Q&A:
Will my 2-year-old behave in a certain way because of birth order?

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Answered by Lawrence Kutner Ph.D.

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"I'm a clinical psychologist, a consultant, and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which is a great combination for someone who's nosy."

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent &; Child," which was syndicated globally. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine. He's also a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

He is on the psychiatry faculty of Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, where he is co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. In addition, he's on the board of advisors to the Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Journalism Fellowship Program at the Carter Center in Atlanta.

Dr. Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. He received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent &; Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, Making Sense of Your Teenager, and Grand Theft Childhood: The Surprising Truth About Violent Video Games and What Parents Can Do.

Dr. Kutner is the father of a 18-year-old son as well as a 30-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family live outside of Boston, Massachusetts.

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Question

Will my 2-year-old behave in a certain way because of birth order?

Answer

Although there's been a lot written in magazines and popular books about birth order's alleged influence on personality, actual research into the topic shows little to no effect compared with such other important matters as temperament and environment. So I wouldn't expect to see your second-born to be "just like" millions of other second-born children.

However, the fact that you write about an "almost newborn" tells me that it's highly likely that your two older children will soon start to act differently if they haven't started already. Don't be surprised, as your pregnancy progresses and after you give birth, if your 2-year-old becomes much more demanding and your 4-year-old starts to regress a bit as well.

Becoming an older sibling is very stressful for most children. It means they have to share your love and attention with a stranger a new rival. Their change in behavior it may even seem like a change in personality is a way for them to test whether this new baby is replacing them in your family, and whether they can still count on your love and protection.

The best way to handle this is for you and your spouse to spend extra one-on-one time with each of them, especially during the last few months of pregnancy and the first few months after the birth. Even a few minutes a day will help them feel more secure and ease the demands they'll make for your attention.