What to Do if Your Baby Only Sleeps When Held

Tale as old as time—your baby sleeps like a dream when you’re holding them but wakes the second you lay them in their crib. For many, this is the beginning of what may seem like an endless cycle of trying to get your baby to sleep on their back so you can get some shut eye as well. While it’s normal and often recommended for you to hold your newborn while they sleep for naps, contact naps may become a habit for an older baby that is harder to break. Always holding your baby when they are sleeping can keep you from getting the sleep you need as a parent, since it’s unsafe to hold your baby while you’re also asleep.

Contact naps aren’t necessarily a bad habit and are expected in the first few weeks of life. They continue to work for some families as a baby gets older, and they don’t need to end unless they stop working for you.

Many babies naturally outgrow contact naps as their sleep skills develop. Others continue to enjoy occasional contact naps well into infancy—and that’s completely normal.

As long as sleep is safe and your needs as a parent are being met, the right choice is the one that works for your family.

Understanding Why Your Baby Only Wants to Sleep When Held

Imagine suddenly waking up in an unfamiliar place or position––you too probably wouldn’t want to keep sleeping! After months warm and snug in the womb, your baby needs some time to get used to the outside world and that includes sleeping on their back in the crib. When it comes to why babies sleep well when held, research shows that holding your baby and skin-to-skin contact provides many benefits, including helping your baby relax and feel secure.

For newborns especially, being held against your body and hearing your heartbeat feels familiar. The motion and movement of being held can also help soothe them, as they were constantly in motion before they were born. Your body temperature can also help them regulate their own temperature, which they’re unable to do at the beginning of their life.

When Should You Stop Holding a Baby to Sleep?

It’s normal, and welcome, for you to hold your newborn baby while they sleep. Contact naps are a great way for your newborn to adjust to the outside world and there’s not much better than the sounds and cuddles from a new baby!

Most babies don’t need to stop contact naps at a specific age, but many families find that between 4 and 6 months is the easiest window to begin transitioning.

Once your baby starts to develop their circadian rhythm and understand patterns and routine, which happens around 3-4 months, you could consider stopping holding your baby while they sleep. This is because at this age they could develop a sleep association, which is when they rely on being held to fall asleep. As your baby ages, this sleep habit may become harder to break.

Here’s why these age ranges often work well:

• Around 3–4 months: Sleep cycles change. At this stage, babies begin to develop more mature sleep cycles and start waking briefly between sleep phases. This is often when parents notice that their baby wakes as soon as they’re put down, making it a common time to start practicing independent sleep skills.

• Around 4–5 months: A natural transition window. Many babies are still relatively calm and less mobile at this age, which can make crib naps easier to introduce. Because habits are still flexible, transitioning away from contact naps may feel smoother and require less intervention.

• Around 6 months: Developmental shifts. As babies become more alert, curious, and mobile, some begin to prefer having more space to sleep. For others, increased awareness can make transitions more challenging—which is why many families choose to start earlier if they plan to.

There’s no strict deadline. If contact naps are still working for you and your baby, it’s completely okay to continue.

How to Know If It’s Time to Transition (or If It’s Not)

Instead of focusing only on age, it can be helpful to look at what’s working for your family right now.

Signs it might be time to try crib naps:

• Contact naps are no longer sustainable for your daily schedule

• Your baby wakes quickly when transferred and struggles to resettle

• Your baby seems more interested in their surroundings than settling while held

• You’re noticing more frequent night wakings linked to how sleep begins.

Signs contact naps are still working:

• Your baby sleeps well and wakes happy

• You’re able to rest or relax during naps

• Holding your baby feels manageable and enjoyable

• There’s no need to rush a transition if contact naps are still serving both of you.

Safe Ways to Hold a Sleeping Baby

If you decide to hold your baby while they sleep at any age, it’s important to follow safe sleep practices:

• If you think you are going to fall asleep, place your baby down in their crib or bassinet on their back.

• Co-sleeping or a sharing a bed with your baby is not recommended because it increases your baby’s risk of sleep-related accidents such as suffocation as well as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

• Keep your baby’s crib or bassinet in your room with you until they are at least 6-months-old.

Tips for Getting Baby to Sleep in Crib or Stopping Contact Naps

1. Set up the sleep fundamentals

• Follow Wake Windows: If your baby is overtired or not tired enough, they will not fall asleep easily. The Smart Sleep Coach’s Smart Schedule tracks your baby’s sleep and lets you know when the end of a wake window is approaching so you can put them down before they become overtired.

• Set Up the Perfect Sleep Space: Keep the room dark with black out shades, set the perfect temperature for a nursery of between 68 degrees Fahrenheit and 72 degrees Fahrenheit, and use a sound machine. Completing your bedtime routine in a perfect sleep space will make your baby’s transition to their crib easier and help them fall asleep faster.

• Keep Your Bedtime Routine Consistent: Once your baby is done with the newborn phase they will thrive on a consistent and predictable routine before bed. An expected routine with steps such as a lullaby, story, and cuddle can help cue that it’s time to wind down to sleep.

• Feed Before Bedtime Routine: Giving your baby their last feed before you start your bedtime routine can help reduce the chance your baby will fall asleep while eating. This ensures your baby is awake when you put them down in their crib, so they fall asleep there and don’t wake up shocked they are there.

2. Make naps in the crib appealing

Start to offer naps in the bassinet or crib (never your bed) to get your baby comfortable with sleeping without you.

Pediatric Sleep Consultant Mandy Treeby shared how some parents have success wearing the crib or bassinet sheet down your tee shirt for a day, so it takes on your scent. For newborns especially, scent can be very important to get them to sleep in their back in their crib.

If your baby is showing no signs of rolling over, you can also swaddle them before you put them in bed to keep them extra cozy, like a warm hug.

3. Put your baby down in their crib drowsy, but awake

You don’t need to stop holding your baby during the time before naps and bed, but it’s important to put them in their crib once they become drowsy, but before they fall asleep. This allows them to fall asleep independent of you holding them, while still being tired and ready for sleep.

Transitioning from contact naps isn’t easy, but cuddling with your baby first and then putting them down can help with the transition. When you transfer them (after feeding) place them on their side and gently pat their butt and shush in their ear ‘pat shush, pat shush’. Decreasing the amount of time you hold your baby before you put them in their crib can also get them used to falling asleep in their crib, not while being held.

The best way to put your baby down in their crib is feet first, followed by their butt, back, and then head. This approach reduces the startle reflex which can rouse them more.

At first your baby may protest when you put them in their crib awake. If they do, that’s totally normal! Keep consistent so they can get comfortable falling asleep in their crib.

4. Consider sleep training

If your baby continues to struggle with falling asleep in their crib, depending on their age, you can explore one of the many approaches to sleep training. The Smart Sleep Coach app can help you choose an approach that’s best for you and your family and walk you step-by-step how to implement it. Even if you choose to sleep train, you can still respond to your baby’s needs during the nighttime––the goal is just to help them be able to fall asleep without external support.

Remember: crying is normal as your baby adjusts to something new, like sleeping in their crib. With patience and consistency, they will learn to love their bed!

Tools that May Help Support the Transition

While no products are required, some families find these tools helpful when moving away from contact naps:

• Swaddles or sleep sacks (for babies not yet rolling) to recreate a snug feeling

• White noise machines to reduce distractions and mimic womb sounds

• Blackout curtains to support longer, more consistent naps.

The goal isn’t to replace comfort—it’s to help your baby feel secure in their crib.

The Bottom Line

Moving from holding your baby while they sleep to having them sleep on their own in their crib can be a challenge for you both. However, with time, every baby can become a strong independent sleeper––they just need our support. Remember that your baby may not love their crib at first and you could hear some crying. It’s all normal and all part of them growing up. Every baby is different and every parenting appropriate is different, too. As long as you approach baby sleep safely and follow the sleep safety guidelines, whether you hold your baby while they sleep or not is up to you.