How to Handle Toddler Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood, but they can still be frustrating and overwhelming for parents. Whether you’re wondering why two-year-olds throw tantrums, when tantrums start and stop, or how to handle toddler tantrums, understanding the causes and strategies can make a big difference.

With patience and the right approach, you can help your toddler manage big emotions more effectively. Read on for expert tips on preventing tantrums and navigating outbursts like a pro!

Why Do Toddlers Throw Tantrums?

Toddler tantrums are a normal part of emotional development in toddlerhood—they’re a common response when toddlers are faced with conflict. Even if you, as the parent, are simply enforcing a rule or doing something to keep your little one safe, your toddler may take this as a full-on battle.

They may emphatically say “no!” and then begin throwing a screaming fit, one that may involve dropping to the floor, kicking, and pounding their fists. Some toddlers even hold their breath during a tantrum. It all may seem like an act to you, but, in fact, it’s a result of internal conflict.

If you’re wondering “Why do 2-year-olds throw tantrums?” The cause of toddler tantrums is usually related to their growing independence. They can do more things now without your help, including eating, getting dressed, and perhaps using the potty. However, when being told not to do something, a toddler will struggle to understand why their precious independence is suddenly being limited.

Since toddlers have trouble expressing themselves verbally, the easiest outlet for frustration or disappointment is by acting it out in a temper tantrum. Very rarely are these outbursts dangerous, though they’re often unpleasant for you, especially when they happen in public.

After your child has had a tantrum, they may become tired and fall asleep quite easily. After a rest it may seem as if the tantrum never happened—your little one may be calm and pleasant now. However, that doesn’t mean they won’t get frustrated and have another outburst soon, especially if there’s a lot of stress in the household.

Tantrums tend to happen more frequently when toddlers are

• anxious

• ill

• tired

• temperamental

• under stress at home.

Know that your toddler’s tantrum behavior is not a reflection of your parenting skills and try not to blame yourself. Also, tantrums are not ordinarily a sign that your child has a severe emotional issue. So, rest assured, this is a typical stage in childhood development.

When Do Tantrums Start and Stop?

Almost every child has temper tantrums occasionally, particularly between the ages of 2 and 3 years old. This period is often referred to as the “terrible twos.” However, that doesn’t mean your toddler will throw temper tantrums only or mostly at the age of 2, as tantrums can crop up before or after that. Toddler tantrums might start around 1 year and continue until they’re about 3 years old. It’s common for these tantrums to stop by the time your child reaches 4 years old, often coinciding with their start in preschool.

Remember, every child has a unique temperament and develops at a different rate.

Tantrums at 5 Years Old: Is It Normal?

Yes, it’s normal for 5-year-olds to occasionally have tantrums, though they may look different from those of younger toddlers. At this age, children are still developing emotional regulation skills, and frustration, fatigue, hunger, or overwhelming situations can trigger outbursts. While tantrums may become less frequent as their communication skills improve, big emotions can still be challenging to manage. 

It’s important to respond with patience, helping them express their feelings in words and guiding them toward calming strategies. If tantrums are extreme, frequent, or impact daily life, it may be helpful to seek guidance from your child’s healthcare provider.

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Toddler Tantrums Vs. Meltdowns: The Differences

While tantrums and meltdowns may look similar, they have different triggers and require different approaches. 

• Tantrums are often goal-driven and occur when a toddler wants something they can’t have—like a toy, snack, or attention. They may cry, yell, or even stomp their feet but can usually regain control if their needs are met or they are distracted. Tantrums are a normal part of toddler development as they learn to navigate frustration and emotions.

• Meltdowns, on the other hand, are caused by sensory overload or overwhelming emotions rather than a specific desire. They occur when a child’s nervous system is overstimulated—too much noise, fatigue, hunger, or stress can all be triggers. 

Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are not about seeking attention or getting something; instead, they reflect a child’s struggle to self-regulate. During a meltdown, a toddler may seem unable to calm down, and soothing techniques like reducing stimulation, offering comfort, and giving them space to reset are often more effective than discipline.

Recognizing the difference between tantrums and meltdowns may help you respond appropriately, ensuring your toddler feels supported as they develop emotional regulation skills. 

Extreme Temper Tantrums in 2-Year-Olds

As we mentioned earlier, temper tantrums are common in 2-year-olds as they learn to navigate emotions and assert independence; however, certain behaviors may indicate more extreme episodes that require attention. Signs of severe temper tantrums in 2-year-olds (or any age) include:​

• Frequency and duration. Toddler tantrums lasting all day or occurring more than three times a day or lasting longer than 15 minutes. ​

• Aggressive behavior. Actions that result in physical harm to themselves, others, or property. ​

• Self-injury. Behaviors such as biting themselves or banging their head against objects. ​

• Holding their breath. Holding their breath to the point of passing out during tantrums. 

If your child’s tantrums consistently exhibit these extreme characteristics, or if they persist beyond the age of 4, contact their healthcare provider. They can assess for underlying issues and provide guidance on effective management strategies. 

Toddler Temper Tantrums at Bedtime

Bedtime can often be a challenging period for toddlers, leading to tantrums that disrupt the evening routine. Understanding the causes and implementing effective strategies can help ease these nighttime struggles.

Common causes of bedtime tantrums include:

• Overtiredness. When toddlers are overly fatigued, they may become more irritable and resistant to bedtime, making it harder for them to settle down. ​

• Desire for independence. At this developmental stage, toddlers often seek autonomy and may resist bedtime to assert control. 

• Separation anxiety. Being away from parents during sleep can cause anxiety, leading to bedtime resistance and tantrums.

Tantrums can also occur after naps or when a toddler wakes up from a nap, often due to grogginess or disrupted sleep cycles. 

Reducing Toddler Tantrums at Bedtime

• Establish a consistent routine. Implementing a calming pre-sleep routine, such as reading a story or taking a warm bath, signals to your toddler that bedtime is approaching. 

• Create a comfortable sleep environment. Ensure the bedroom is quiet, dimly lit, and at a comfortable temperature to promote relaxation.​

• Offer comfort items. Allowing your child to sleep with a favorite blanket or stuffed animal can provide a sense of security. 

• Set clear boundaries. Be firm yet gentle about bedtime expectations, helping your toddler understand that bedtime is non-negotiable.

If your toddler often wakes up from a nap throwing a tantrum, help them by sticking to a regular nap schedule, and provide gentle transitions by engaging in calm activities to help your toddler adjust smoothly from sleep to wakefulness.

You can discover more about your toddler’s sleep and strategies for sleep training in our dedicated guide.

13 Ways of Dealing with Toddler Tantrums

You know your toddler better than anyone, so you can often predict what might trigger a tantrum and prepare accordingly. While there is no guaranteed way to prevent every temper tantrum, you can take steps to reduce their frequency and intensity.

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Here are some guidelines for managing tantrums. Try different methods to see what works best for you and your child. Once you find an effective strategy, share it with other caregivers, such as babysitters or grandparents. Consider using one or more of these approaches on how to handle and deal with your toddler’s tantrums:

1. Anticipate tantrum-triggering scenarios. Toddlers often have patterns. Your toddler might always throw a tantrum when you’re out grocery shopping, for instance. Be aware of any scenarios that could prompt an outburst or any behavior that signals a tantrum is on its way, and plan around them. For example, you may want to run errands with your toddler after they’ve eaten or napped or avoid certain environments that commonly trigger tantrums.

2. Pay attention to your child’s mood and energy level. A toddler who is too tired, anxious, or frustrated can easily erupt into a tantrum. If your child is still taking naps, stick to the usual nap times; if your child is past the napping stage, have daily quiet time. This could be lying down or looking at a book together quietly but not playing or talking. Resting for a short while can keep your toddler from becoming too exhausted, which could lead to a tantrum.

3. Take a moderate approach to discipline. Being too strict or too easygoing with your toddler could lead to more frequent or more severe temper tantrums. At this stage in your toddler’s development, it’s better to have fewer rules and limits but be firm and consistent in how you carry them out. 

4. Use an inviting and reassuring tone. When asking your toddler to do something, such as putting away their toys, speak in a friendly way and phrase your instructions as a request rather than a command when possible. Just as you'll want to teach your child good manners such as saying “please” and “thank you,” you would want to model that behavior when speaking. 

5. Avoid overreacting. There may be a time when your toddler will say “no” to anything and everything. When this happens, calmly repeat whatever request you may have—don’t argue or punish your child for responding with “no.” 

6. Pick your battles. Unless it’s worth fighting with your toddler about a certain issue, don’t push or provoke them. For example, safety is a priority, so staying buckled in the car seat is nonnegotiable, but letting them wear their favorite pajamas to the store could be OK. If, for example, you’ve asked your child to put away their toys, and they’re being reluctant, you might offer to help. This can help soften conflict.

7. Avoid bribes and deals. Offering your child a reward if they go to bed on time or making a deal that if they behave during a shopping trip, they’ll get an ice cream cone, will only teach them to break rules, not abide by them.

8. Limit choices. It’s great to give your toddler choices, when possible, as it can give them a sense of control, but keep the choices limited to two options you can live with, like which bedtime story to read at night, or what color T-shirt to wear (red or blue). This bit of reined-in independence can have a positive effect on future interactions.

9. Try holding or distracting your child. Gently restraining your toddler with a tight hug or saying something like “Look at the doggie over there” may help stop a tantrum. 

10. Try injecting some fun and humor. Sometimes, you can use humor to turn an argument around before it morphs into a tantrum. Try making a funny face when you ask your toddler to pick up his toys, or if they don’t want to brush their teeth, tell them you’ll race them to the bathroom. This can work in many instances but isn’t the best choice when your child is tired or irritable.

11. Institute a time-out. If none of the above options seem to work, you may consider giving your child some alone time to calm down and regroup. This obviously works better if you’re at home. You can start using time-outs as early as 18 to 24 months, but they work best with 3- and 4-year-olds who are old enough to understand why they received a time-out. Here’s how to do a time-out:

    1. Have your child sit in a quiet place for a minute per year of age

    2. Briefly repeat what they did wrong and let them know what behavior you expect the next time.tell them that you, of course, still love them

    3. Once they’re quiet and still, end the time-out

    4. Briefly repeat what they did wrong and let them know what behavior you expect the next time.

12. Calmly remove them from the situation. If you’re out in public and a time-out isn’t an option, take them to the restroom, your car, or another place away from other people so that the tantrum can finish in private. Another option is to hold them with a big hug, which may stop the outburst. Follow that up by talking to them in a quiet, soothing tone. 

13. Reward good behavior with praise. Notice your child being good and reward their behavior by praising them and offering hugs, kisses, and together time. You could do something as simple as sitting down and reading a book together. Just being in your child’s company sends a positive signal.

Once your toddler’s tantrum is over, simply move on. If the tantrum was the result of something you told your child to do, repeat the request calmly and firmly; in time, they’ll realize that acting out again won’t have any effect. Resist the urge to overreact to their behavior, because that response may likely reinforce these episodes. Act like it’s no big deal and this behavior may go away in time.

Toddler Tantrums: When to Worry

Temper tantrums are common throughout your child’s toddler and preschool years; they typically become less frequent and intense around their fourth year. However, there are some signals that suggest a child may need intervention from a healthcare professional.

If you see any of the following, consult your child’s healthcare provider:

• The tantrums continue or get worse after 4 years old

• Your child attempts self-injury or injures others, or destroys property in the middle of a temper tantrum

• They have frequent nightmares or become extremely disobedient

• Your child regresses in potty training

• They refuse to eat or go to bed

• They have headaches or stomachaches

• Your child exhibits extreme anxiety, aggressiveness, or clinginess

• They hold their breath and pass out during a tantrum.

If passing out occurs during tantrums, your child’s healthcare provider may examine your toddler to see if the fainting spells may be due to something like seizures. The provider may also offer recommendations on effective discipline or suggest a parent support group that you may attend for guidance. 

If the provider believes your child’s temper tantrums are a result of extreme emotional disturbances, they may refer your child to a psychiatrist or psychologist.

The Bottom Line

Temper tantrums are a normal part of toddler development, typically occurring between 1 and 3 years old. Toddlers are unable to clearly verbalize their emotions at this stage of development; instead, they may burst into a temper tantrum that may include crying, screaming, kicking, and sometimes breath-holding and fainting.

Your toddler’s tantrums can range in frequency and severity. After a while, you may notice a pattern. For example, a tantrum may happen when your child doesn’t get a favorite toy or when they’re tired from an eventful day. Or the tantrums may happen at the same time every day, such as at bedtime or during a meal. Anticipating a tantrum can greatly help you prepare for one.

No matter how intense your toddler’s tantrum may be, the most important thing is not to overreact, but to stay calm and resolute in how you respond. Try distracting your child or adding some humor to the situation. Avoid bribery or deal-brokering, neither of which will help the tantrums improve. You might also consider short time-outs.

If your toddler still has frequent tantrums past the age of 4, it may be a good idea to consult their healthcare provider, especially if there are other disruptive and self-destructive behaviors. Children will outgrow temper tantrums eventually, but in the meantime, be prepared with our list of tips provided in this article.

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